Climbing on Up

Life has this crazy way of throwing curve balls at you. Sometimes you are able to see it coming and jump out of the way at the last minute, sometimes you can see it coming but have nowhere to go so it knocks you down a couple steps but sometimes it comes out of nowhere. Sometimes it comes so fast that you get completely knocked down and you have to start from the bottom to get back to where you used to be. I've had my fair share of curve balls thrown my way and I have had to walk from the bottom quite a few times. But that's just life. I am learning how to stand on my own two feet again, I am learning to smell the roses instead of just seeing the thorns, I am learning to taste everything the world has to offer me. I've been on this crazy journey so far and for once, I am happy to say that it isn't over yet. I'm happy to say that for once, I am excited to be recovering, to be getting to a 'healthy' weight, to be able to let people know when I am upset rather than running to food to numb the pain. Recovery is a crazy journey that I never thought I would experience, but I am. And it isn't quite as scary as I thought it would be. Sure, the number on the scale still freaks me out. Yes, I can still tell you the number of calories in everything but for once I am doing things because I want to, not because the voice in my head is telling me to. And with recovery, comes the ability to work out again!

I am strong enough to know when enough is enough, I am strong enough to know when I want to go to the gym or when my eating disorder wants me to go to the gym and I could not be more excited! I have to start from the bottom and work my way up. I don't have the muscle, strength, or endurance that I used to before I was put on exercise restriction but thats okay; I've worked my way from the bottom numerous times I can do it again! This blog is my way of being held accountable for my daily workouts. This blog will keep track of my progress, my schedule, my goals, and quite possibly hold me accountable on those days where ED is taking control of my workouts rather than just me.